Human After All (20 Ways To Achieve Immortality)

This is a list of ways to become immortal. Not in real life (probably) just ones that you can nab for your games that may spark some adventure hooks or characters.

By Daniel Martin Diaz

Instead of Lichdom, this wizard has achieved immortality by:

1. Cuting their skin from their bones, their bones from their organs, and their organs from their nervous system - then animating them all to act under their will and separating far from each other. Death cannot effectively locate all layers of the wizard's body before one animates the other again.
2. Carving intricate grooves into their throat and airways then turning themself into a statue. Gusts of wind passing through the grooves sounds like their voice and communicates their will.
3. Minting themself. They cast a spell that allows them to speak and see through all visual depictions of themself.
4. Inventing True Darkness. This comes in the form of paint a shade of very intense black - cover a room with it and not even Death can see you. They intend to cover the world with it.
5. Bribing the Ferryman to Hell with an indescribably lavish boat. This has soured relationships between the Ferryman and Death.
6. Eating a body part of a God. Death registers them as immortal as long as the body part is inside of them.
   
7. Keeping their entire home in a time loop. Their schedule consists of waking up, reading for a few hours, and then conducting an incredibly unstable experiment that breaks them out of the time loop so they have control for the rest of the day.
8. Forming a fertility cult and transferring their soul and spirit into a pregnant cultist's child. The child will grow up to become the wizard .
9. Cheating on Death with a succubus. Out of petty revenge, Death will not claim the wizard - for if Death does then the two lovers may be reunited.
10. Being so repulsive that not even Death wants to be in the same room as them. They hate how filthy they've gotten, but the wizard does not clean themself for it is their only shield against Death.
11. Becoming a fate vampire. They suck the fates out of people and leaves the victims as wandering husks. When they suck a fate out of a person, they discard the old way they were going to die for a new one that will likely happen later than their previous fate.
12. Stealing children from local villages and intensively training them to be exactly like themself. If the children grow older and show insubordination, the wizard turns them into goblins to serve in stealing more children.
13. Turning themself into a summoning spell with a hivemind. There are many copies of the wizard out there - all of their summoned copies waiting for the moment to turn on their unsuspecting masters.
14. Animating their house to walk when they were still living. Now a ghost, despite being stuck to haunting the house they can still have the house travel where they wish.
    
15. Turning themself into an alchemic ooze. With various molds they built, they are able to assume different forms for a time before they collapses into shapelessness again.
16. Freezing themselves in a block of ice. They mentally command a pair of golems to slide them around and follow other orders.
17. Being an incredibly competent duelist. They have won every single duel they've been in, including one against Death. Death does not wish to return to claim them.
18. Reversing their magic polarity. Damaging magic heals them and vice versa. They get into many fights with unsuspecting wizards to keep their health.
19. Trapping themselves in their reflection. Their body is gone, but they can travel between mirrors where Death cannot get them and interact with objects shown in mirrors.
    
20. Creating a catchy song - secretly a ritual. When sung, it increases the wizard's lifespan by a negligible amount - with many people singing it this turns into a massive increase in life.

This was massively inspired by Archons March On's post about alternative methods of immortality. I find many of the scenarios and dungeons I create center on immortality in some way - so it's useful to have alternative methods for it - even if it's just for flavor.

We Evaporate (30 Spells & Designing Interesting Spells)

This is a collection of many spells from different thematic schools, along with some notes about spell design. First, a bold statement that leads into some context for how the upcoming spells are designed:

Eldritch Blast is the worst spell. Ever.

Since many here (including myself) do not play 5th Edition, here's a refresher - "a beam of crackling energy streaks toward a creature within range (120 ft). On hit, the target takes 1d10 force damage," Its lack of description other than these two primary sentences give it no wiggle-room to be used in any capacity outside of combat. Its only redeeming quality is that it is a cantrip, meaning it can be used an unlimited number of times - but this just serves to make it a better tool in combat and nothing more. It arguably makes combat less interesting since its unlimited use will mean that your warlocks and whatnot will be encouraged to immediately use this every turn. Arguably a greater sin, it has no thematic trappings. When I hear the name "Eldritch Blast" I expect it to make people's head explode with forbidden knowledge or shoot a ball of tentacles from your hand or something, literally anything that connects to the thematic spring of the eldritch. Instead we get just a crackling beam of energy - apparently the poor souls who pay for the 5th Edition books do not even deserve a color for their d10 damage beams of energy. 

A good spell should be everything that Eldritch Blast is not - thematic and interactive.

Thinking about Eldritch Blast
By Gigi Cavenago

 

To make a thematic spell, I make spells in groups consisting of a primary, secondary, and tertiary theme.  An obvious example of this would be the School of Pyromancy - with the themes fire, ash, and revenge. For extra credit, I typically like to include a taste (I allow players to identify if something is magical by tasting it), founder, and who uses each spell group. These "schools" of spells can instantly say magnitudes about your world and serve as a jumping-off point for more spells (by pulling from any of the themes). They can also serve as sort of a guide to who should be typically wielding these spells. The list in this post is split up by 5 schools of 6 spells each. Additionally, do not underestimate the ability of a great title to a spell. "Fire Grant Me Strength!" is far better than "Fire Protection", even if both have the same effect.

To make a more interactive spell, I often add a physical element to the spell where there is none. For instance, a spell that sends a single target into a state of bloodlust is already pretty interactive, but it can have a more interesting texture if it summoned a physical shield that, let's say all that struck it will be affected by bloodlust. You can now hand the shield to an ally or make a shield wall of this if you are a particularly strong wizard, it opens up many more possibilities. Eldritch Blast fails in its intractability but can easily be expanded upon if it defined what energy it blasts. If it were, say, electric energy (despite not fitting to the theme it is already too cowardly to stick to) it opens itself to more use cases like electrifying a pool of water, a weapon, etc. Generally if you can think of more than two use cases for a spell than it is interactive enough. Often times theme will enhance interactivity, do not be afraid to expand spells you find boring by tapping into its theme.

There is additionally an element of GM interpretation to making spells more interesting as well. I try to be generous when players come up with ideas for how to use spells in ways I hadn't thought of. If it's a risky gambit they're trying to pull off, I'll warn them that there is a risk (perhaps not the exact nature of it) as well if it's all in the name of experimentation.

I didn't know Vivisection would do that, I swear.
By Gigi Cavenago

House of Flames

Fire, Blood, Vengeance. Their magic tastes of cinnamon. Founded by Rishloo IV the Bookburner. Practiced by vigilantes of an incestuous royal bloodline.

1. Bloodflame Jelly. Leave a [LEVEL] * 10 sq-ft puddle of gelatinous blood that ignites and dissipates on your command.
   
2. Beginning Of The End. Conjure a talisman that stinks of magic and stick it on a building or other manmade structure. In exactly one week it shall be devastated by a great fire.
   
3. Brothers By Blood. Knight a target - their blood turns to fire as soon as it leaves their body for the next [LEVEL] hours. From now on all will recognize the target as noble blood, for better or worse.
   
4. Fire In The Mind. Enchant and item and give it as a gift to a target. As long as they keep it, their dreams are haunted by horrible nightmares of your choosing. They cannot benefit from a full night's rest.
   
5. Bloody Aegis. Conjure a shield that turns to bloody slush in [LEVEL] * 10 minutes. Whoever views it must save or be driven to insatiable bloodlust.
   
6. Flickering Form. Swap places with a source of fire that you can see. Whatever fire you swap with grows to your size briefly. 

---

Circle of Spiders

Spiders, Grace, and Moonlight. Their magic tastes of bile. Founded by the heretic Indigo Dubois. Practiced by a circle of witches who live in the attics and basements of unsuspecting nobles.

1. Behold, Me. Conjure a cloak that turns to spiders in [LEVEL] * 10 minutes. The wearer's bottom half turns into a spider the size of a horse.
2. Join Me In Song. Scream. Everybody in earshot vomits spiders and screams as long as you hold the scream, including yourself. 
3. My Eyes, For You. Conjure an eyeglass that turns to spiders in [LEVEL] * 10 minutes. Whoever looks through it sees through the moon's eyes and anything the moonlight touches with perfect accuracy.
4. My Bond, Unbreakable. Shoot [LEVEL] ropes of webbing. These form knots on your command and can only be destroyed by magical weaponry or fire.
   
5. Join Me In Dance. Touch something and dance. It will mimic you as long as you are touching. Nonliving things will animate clumsily and attempt to copy your dance as well.
   
6. My Light, My Beloved. Every inch of your skin glows with moonlight for [LEVEL] * 10 minutes. During this time, all who view you must save or begin sobbing uncontrollably.

---

Scholars of the Grounding Flesh

Anatomy, Death, Relief. Their magic tastes of everclear. Founded by the disgraced Doctor Nygarde. Practiced by medical school dropouts and war criminals.

1. Munchausen By Proxy. Name a disease you know and conjure a ring that turns to bile in [LEVEL] * 10 minutes. The wearer will display all superficial signs of this disease to a dramatic extent.
   
2. Marfan Syndrome. Conjure a bracelet that turns to bile in [LEVEL] * 10 minutes. Whatever limb the bracelet is put on grows to quadruple its normal size.
3. Locked-In Syndrome. Touch someone. As long as you are touching them, both you and the target cannot willingly move.
   
4. Post-Mortem Eruption. Conjure a satchel that turns to bile in [LEVEL] days and place it on something dead. If removed, the dead thing (whether human or otherwise) explodes.
5. Pica. Conjure a tapestry that turns to bile in [LEVEL] days. Whoever gazes upon it feels the overwhelming need to eat anything they can put in their mouth for [LEVEL] * 10 minutes.
6. Stoneman Syndrome.Wave your hand over [LEVEL] * 2 sq-ft of living matter. It turns to bone for [LEVEL] * 10 minutes.
   

---

School of the Ancestors

Spirits, Lineage, Honor. Their magic tastes of bourbon. Founded by nobody in particular. Practiced by a loose collection of oracles and occultists who call upon the same magical spirits.

1. Catherine. A ghost in aristocrat's garb appears for [LEVEL] * 10 minutes. She obeys the requests of the most polite person in the room. Nonviolent and extremely knowledgeable in etiquette, politics, and poisons.
   
2. Takeshi. A ghost in warrior's garb with a long spectral sword appears for [LEVEL] * 10 minutes. He obeys the requests of the most masculine person in the room. Extremely violent and justifiably brave given his status as a dead man.
3. Cristobal. The ghost of a horse appears for [LEVEL] * 10 minutes. It obeys the requests of the most sinful person in the room. Stubborn, no matter where it is it knows the lay of the land.
   
4. Robin. A naked ghost appears for [LEVEL] * 10 minutes. They do not obey anybody, simply floating around and making small talk about ancient art. They are exceedingly beautiful - anybody in their presence cannot be roused to violence.
   
5. Tim. The ghost of a child appears for [LEVEL] * 10 minutes. He does not obey anybody and will cause as much mischief as he can in the time he has. Horrible, dreadful, completely unreasonable demon child.
6. It. An indescribable ghost appears for [LEVEL] * 10 minutes. It is clingy toward a random person in the room. Nobody can bring themselves to view it willingly, and take mental damage for each minute they stare.
   

---

Table of Dolls

Dolls, Wood, Silence. Their magic tastes of sawdust. Founded by Nagel the Craftsman, maker of the first automaton. Practiced by his Nagel's loyal apprentices, and the lonely who have gotten hold of his magic from his less loyal apprentices for a price.

1. Magnum Opus. A [LEVEL] * 10 foot tall idol of wood rises from the ground. You decide on its appearance.
2. Muse's Tongue. Conjure a horn that turns to mulch in [LEVEL] hours. If you speak through the horn, plants and wood will understand you. If you listen through the horn, you can understand them.
   
3. A Small Gift. Conjure a ring that turns to mulch in [LEVEL] hours. Whatever vaguely humanoid thing wears the ring is given sentience and the ability to ambulate as long as it wears the ring. It is aware of its own mortality, roll reaction.
4. Mine Own Form. Create a wooden doll clone of yourself at any point you can see, at any size up to twice as big or small as you. It turns to mulch in [LEVEL] * 10 minutes. It copies your exact movements and your voice.
5. Ideal Form. Become a primitive wooden form (sphere, box, pyramid, cone, cylinder, torus) of [LEVEL] * 5 sq-ft for up to [LEVEL] * 10 minutes. 
6. Magician's Flute. Come up with a sound and conjure a horn that turns to mulch in [LEVEL] * 10 minutes. The horn blares this sound at the volume of a scream on command.